Senioritis Epidemic Flocks Churchill’s Campus

Like diarrhea, Senioritis afflicts twelfth graders indiscriminately, paying no heed to their age, race, socioeconomic status, or previous study habits. Symptoms include poor work ethic, repeated absences, excessive wearing of sweatpants, generally dismissive attitude, regret for taking Math 31 without needing to, and thrill-seeking behaviour. If patients cared enough to probe its causes, they  would find “being tired of this sh*t” and lacking enthusiasm about finishing the current chapter of their lives when a more exciting one is on the horizon to be  among them.

“I used to be busy juggling school, work, and extracurriculars, but the only things I’ve been juggling lately are my balls,” says Michael Jones, whose devotion to refining his juggling prowess has been inversely proportional to his physics mark. “Like, I recently had a lab report due. I decided to do it during tutorial. After sleeping in and missing tutorial, I decided to do it during my spare. After going to McDonald’s during my spare, I failed to hand it in. I considered doing it later that night for partial marks, but in the end, I was too lazy to bother doing it at all. Oh well.  I already got accepted to UBC’s School of Engineering. As long as I scrape by with a pass in physics, I’m good to go.”

The only known cure for Senioritis is a phenomenon called “Graduation.”

– Areeba K.


“Mac’s Across the Street Doesn’t Look Like it Plans to Reopen Anytime Soon,” Claims Dejected Student

According to twelfth grader Julia Chan, the Mac’s across the street from Churchill appears too shabby to resume business in the near future, wreaking havoc in the hearts of students who relied on it for emergency slushy cravings. “A few days ago, I had to transit all the way to the convenience store by Dalhousie Station to buy my slushy, which I’m only calling a ‘slushy’ because you told me calling it a ‘Slurpee’ would be copyright infringement,” she disclosed to our reporter. “The acquisition of a slushy would have taken me, like, three minutes back when the Mac’s was still open, but factoring in the commute, it ended up taking me over thirty minutes.” Chan paused to wipe a single tear off her cheek. She is not alone in her aggravation. In a survey conducted by our research committee, three out of three students wished the Mac’s would reopen. As of press time, Chan had left the school to make yet another lengthy pilgrimage to the convenience store by Dalhousie station.

– Areeba K.

Having a Blue Christmas? 5 Ways to Get Into the Holiday Spirit

You know the feeling. It’s already well into December, and the days are flying by. Christmas lights are sparkling on every house, Christmas trees are gleaming in every window, and everyone seems to radiate that festive holiday spirit – but you’re just not feeling it! The holidays only come once a year, so it feels like an awful waste to not make the most of the season. If the bad weather has you feeling more Scrooge-like than spirited, fear no more – we have 5 surefire ways (more…)

A Scarf? Or More? – A Look Into Infinity, a JA Company

The Infinity team working on their product. Source

The Infinity team working on their product. Source: Infinity A Junior Achievement Company

Walk into one of their production meetings, you’ll find the team members of Infinity – A Junior Achievement Company working hard. In every nook of their space, team members are doing everything from measuring and cutting fabric to sewing zippers onto pockets. Radio music plays in the background and mingles with the intermittent marching of sewing machines. (more…)

Graduation Committee Updates




The Graduation Committee for this year has been organized, and is excited to start planning the graduation that will occur on Wednesday, May 27. The Graduation Committee is involved in planning the formal Graduation Ceremony, as well as the graduation banquet. The committee is not involved in any after banquet graduation activities. The graduation quote which sets the theme for the graduation has already been chosen, and the committee is now moving towards applications for valedictorians. (more…)