Student Uses Classmate’s Test Mark to Inflate Own Ego

In a school as academically rigorous as Churchill, it is no surprise that students often vie for the top mark in class. “I suspect that people who are insecure regarding their own achievements gain some sort of validation from using their peers’ achievements as a benchmark,” says Sally Young, known for politely but firmly shutting down inquiries about her grades. “ I guess I understand their behaviour, but I don’t condone it; I feel that unnecessary comparison damages self-esteem and stunts intrinsic motivation. Personally, I just want to do the best I can without letting a low mark get to my heart or letting a high mark get to my head.”

Classmate Ray Gill subscribes to a different viewpoint. “If my class percentile is below 95, how will I get into MIT’s Department of Biological Engineering, let alone John Hopkins Medical School? They’re highly competitive programs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ambitious, but I’m completely altruistic. I just want to make the world a better place.” When asked how gloating at Young upon scoring 5% higher than her on a math test made the world a better place, Gill murmured incomprehensibly. He  later denied allegations that his post-Churchill plans were fuelled in any way by prestige, income, or familial pressure.

– Areeba K.


Senioritis Epidemic Flocks Churchill’s Campus

Like diarrhea, Senioritis afflicts twelfth graders indiscriminately, paying no heed to their age, race, socioeconomic status, or previous study habits. Symptoms include poor work ethic, repeated absences, excessive wearing of sweatpants, generally dismissive attitude, regret for taking Math 31 without needing to, and thrill-seeking behaviour. If patients cared enough to probe its causes, they  would find “being tired of this sh*t” and lacking enthusiasm about finishing the current chapter of their lives when a more exciting one is on the horizon to be  among them.

“I used to be busy juggling school, work, and extracurriculars, but the only things I’ve been juggling lately are my balls,” says Michael Jones, whose devotion to refining his juggling prowess has been inversely proportional to his physics mark. “Like, I recently had a lab report due. I decided to do it during tutorial. After sleeping in and missing tutorial, I decided to do it during my spare. After going to McDonald’s during my spare, I failed to hand it in. I considered doing it later that night for partial marks, but in the end, I was too lazy to bother doing it at all. Oh well.  I already got accepted to UBC’s School of Engineering. As long as I scrape by with a pass in physics, I’m good to go.”

The only known cure for Senioritis is a phenomenon called “Graduation.”

– Areeba K.

“Mac’s Across the Street Doesn’t Look Like it Plans to Reopen Anytime Soon,” Claims Dejected Student

According to twelfth grader Julia Chan, the Mac’s across the street from Churchill appears too shabby to resume business in the near future, wreaking havoc in the hearts of students who relied on it for emergency slushy cravings. “A few days ago, I had to transit all the way to the convenience store by Dalhousie Station to buy my slushy, which I’m only calling a ‘slushy’ because you told me calling it a ‘Slurpee’ would be copyright infringement,” she disclosed to our reporter. “The acquisition of a slushy would have taken me, like, three minutes back when the Mac’s was still open, but factoring in the commute, it ended up taking me over thirty minutes.” Chan paused to wipe a single tear off her cheek. She is not alone in her aggravation. In a survey conducted by our research committee, three out of three students wished the Mac’s would reopen. As of press time, Chan had left the school to make yet another lengthy pilgrimage to the convenience store by Dalhousie station.

– Areeba K.

Graduation Committee Updates




The Graduation Committee for this year has been organized, and is excited to start planning the graduation that will occur on Wednesday, May 27. The Graduation Committee is involved in planning the formal Graduation Ceremony, as well as the graduation banquet. The committee is not involved in any after banquet graduation activities. The graduation quote which sets the theme for the graduation has already been chosen, and the committee is now moving towards applications for valedictorians. (more…)

One Champion Above All Else: Churchill Swimming 2014


“What defines Churchillian Swimmers? The virtue that characterizes us from the crowd is the unyielding faith, the formidable determination to carry on in adversities. With each stroke our iron-clad spirit is proudly displayed for the world to see – with each cheer, we strive to once again bring the glory back to Northland Drive. Our blazing spirit will imprint the victor’s crown on the glorious heritage of Sir Winston Churchill High School.

–Ernest T., Grade 12 (more…)

A Sweet, but Silent, Canadian Victory–Republicans vs the Democrats on Keystone XL

At first glance, it is not easy to discern why the Republican majority victory in the United States’ upper house, or Senate, is in point of fact a potent economic victory for Canada. The reason: Keystone XL (Export Limited) Pipeline.

The already existing pipeline is represented by the solid lines, and the proposed pipeline is represented by the dashed lines.

The already existing pipeline is represented by the solid lines, and the proposed pipeline is represented by the dashed lines.

Proposed by TransCanada in 2008 and largely completed, the Keystone XL Pipeline is a multi-billion dollar project beginning in Hardisty, Alberta and extending south to Steele City, Nebraska. The proposed section of the pipeline is a faster route to the Steele City refineries.

There are many who challenge the integrity of the pipeline in benefiting the Canadian economy, as a large majority of the jobs created in Canada will solely be temporary, involving the construction of the pipeline, however, the permanent employment in refining and processing of the oil sands will be mostly done in the U.S., further aiding the American economy.
Proponents of the pipeline on the other hand, believe that the economy will grow stronger with crude oil exports (to the U.S.) being a chief revenue source unsurpassed by any other country. In comparison to other countries, the new proposed route for the pipeline will transport up to 830 000 barrels of crude oil per day, with Canada’s current import supply to the U.S. being 2.6 million barrels per day (bpd), and the second highest importer to the U.S. being Saudi Arabia, with 1.3 million bpd, and at third, America’s southern neighbor, Mexico, at 850 000 bpd.

Considering these figures, Canada is not only equaling the amount of oil supplied by Mexico by means of a single pipeline, but it is taking into account the environmental standpoint decreeing the transport of bitumen more safer and quicker than transport by rail.

The proposed pipeline is set to be 1 897 km, with a 91 cm diameter.

The proposed pipeline is set to be 1 897 km, with a 91 cm diameter.

While there are benefits to Canada regarding the Keystone XL pipeline, the U.S. is also reaping rewards such as a reduction on the reliance of coal, and a vast increase in permanent refinery jobs.

The Senate with a majority in the Republican’s favour due to the November 4, 2014 midterm elections are in rapid approval of the Keystone XL Pipeline. There is a final barrel in Keystone’s way before being constructed, however, and it is not a mere barrel of oil, but a barrel the size of President Obama’s veto power.

– Vish S.